That's What Is Keeping Me Up At Night

That's What Is Keeping Me Up at Night.

In the wee hours of morning my brain is purusing my resume for experience.  Sure, after 40 years in the field of social work and 30 years of Master work and further training, my resume looks solid....for work.  But wait, I am trying to formulate a new resume, a resume for moving, retirement, and slowing down.  A resume, I find, that doesn't look so solid and one that shows very little experience.  My qualifications are shaky at best.

Oh sure, I have had brief periods of not working over the last 40 years.  They were periods filled with chaos, hormones, and adaption.  In other words, maternity leave.  Not necessarily relaxing or slow.  And yes, I have practiced change at times by changing jobs, but always in a 25 mile radius of my home.  Even when I went to graduate school 30+ years and 2 children ago, I drove in some type of "Walter Mitty" fog, from my safe haven in Tama to the U of I.  No ma'am, I have not in the last 33 years, moved.  And honey, that is a long time.

Sure, we have talked about retirement the last few years. We talked about moving somewhere new.  Nevertheless, I didn't believe it.  On my two trips to Colorado this spring, I have looked out at the mountains and the city lights and thought, "OMG, I really am going to live here!"  I've gotten a rather tingly almost giddy sensation.  After a few days, I have gone back to Iowa and quickly regained my sense of comfort with the ease of life there.  The giddiness dissipated and once again moving and change didn't seem imminent.

The last two and a half months, in an effort to stay grounded, I have marked my life by the tasks needed to be done before I move, retire, and slow down in a "one step at a time" philosophy. 

 sell house
 have everyone home to say goodbye,
 liquidate belongs
 close on house
 move to Brooke's
 Brooke's graduation
 Anna's graduation
 go to Chicago
 Brooke's garage sale
and next week, HOLY CRAP, QUIT WORK!

Am I really leaving Iowa?  Am I moving to Colorado? Have I actually reduced my material worth down to less than one storage unit?  Can I survive an extended road trip?  And really, what is life like without a pay check?

Do the words that describe me include crazy, poor, homeless, vagabond or are they more like adventuresome, brave, free, and fun loving?  

That my dear friends....
That's what is keeping me up at night.  P